The Blurgh

A woman boards the yellow line. It’s the Mercy Hospital-Duquesne University stop. She wears a crisp navy blue pantsuit and pearl earrings. Sits down beneath the map of Pittsburgh. Stares straight ahead.

Her cell phone rings and she glances at the name. Her eyes roll skyward but she answers. She speaks quietly into the receiver for a moment. Then, tears roll down her cheeks.

“We lost it,” she says, whispering, her eyes clamped shut. “We lost it. That’s it. No more.”

The train slides to a stop at Forbes and Murray and I walk past the woman as I exit. I want to know what she’s lost and if she’ll ever be able to get it back. I want to put my hand on her shoulder and squeeze it tightly. I want her to go home to the arms of someone she loves and sob uncontrollably. I want everything to be all better for her.

But instead I just walk up the steps and emerge onto the busy street. The smell of decaying leaves is fierce and the wind whips my scarf.

When Andi called me the second I turned off my work computer and gathered my November-cold clothing (scarf, but a light one; coat, but not a parka), I was ready for whatever she was going to throw my way.

“You wanna go to Murphy’s? 9 o’clock?”

You better believe I wanted to go to Murphy’s at 9 o’clock. Murphy’s is this ridiculously odd little bar nestled between a furniture store and an art gallery on Federal Street on the North Side. It is unabashedly dedicated to all things 90s, which I find pretty hilarious. My mom grew up in the 90s and a few months ago, during one of her visits, I brought her there. The bar’s named for the guy who was mayor of Pittsburgh during most of the decade - some people like that, some people hate it, but the owners don’t really care. They just want you to have a good time. There are posters of bands ranging from Nirvana to the Spice Girls on the walls, the servers dress in their preferred 90s fashions (some people choose to invoke Cher from Clueless, others prefer the grunge look), and, best of all, they have only-90s karaoke on Monday nights.

I asked Frank if he wanted to come along, and he couldn’t resist. One of his fondest memories is of his mom and dad singing Salt N Pepa’s “Let’s Talk About Sex” at a neighborhood barbecue to the general mortification of Frank and his siblings, so he always sings that song at 90s karaoke. My signature song is Hanson’s “MMMBop,” in honor of my mother who had the biggest crush ever on Taylor Hanson back in the day. Andi’s parents had a thing for Oasis, so she always sings “Champagne Supernova.” And any songs that we don’t cover are sure to be done by the other people.

Anyway, it was just what I needed after a long day at work. I love going to these little bars in Pittsburgh, especially the ones that really fit in with their neighborhoods. The North Side is such a weird, funky place that it makes sense it would have a kitschy bar that you can goof off at next to a hoity-toity art gallery and a family-run furniture store. I freaking love it.

It’s been awhile since I’ve written about writing, and here’s why: I am in the process of reworking my book into a whole new book, and it’s difficult and time-consuming and filled with lots of little things that make me go “grr,” but, quite honestly, I love it at the same time.

I was a creative writing major at Carlow, and most of the things I wrote while I was there were nonfiction. I wrote about my parents’ divorce, my mother’s remarriage, my grandfather’s heart attack … all true things. I wrote the odd short fiction or poem if I had to, but mostly I was interested in the lives that were swirling all around me.

So, after I graduated from college, I had the idea to write a novel. I worked on it for several months, but I never really got into it. A few weeks ago, I realized that was because it wasn’t very interesting to me. And if it wasn’t interesting to me, why the hell would it be interesting to my readers? I decided to keep the idea for the book in my files, in case I returned to it later. (A good writer never throws anything away. This has turned me into a packrat, much to Frank’s chagrin.)

For a few weeks, I felt like I was just drifting. I didn’t have my book to occupy my thoughts while I was doing the mindless parts of my job, and I wasn’t really working toward anything.

That’s all changed. I realized about a week ago, on a walk through Schenley Park with my best friend, Andi, that the seasons were changing and I lamented to Andi that autumn and winter are my favorite times of year to write. It’s the perfect time to put on warm comfy clothes, brew a cup of tea, and sit at your desk writing while the cats keep your feet warm. (Yes, our cats actually do this.)

And Andi replied, “So write about that. Write about the freshness that is fall for you. People might think you’re crazy, because I associate these seasons with death and decay, but, hey, whatever works for you.”

She was right. I had gotten out of the habit of writing, and this was the perfect time to get back into it. So I started up again. I jotted down snippets of people’s conversations I overheard on the subway and went home to turn them into full-fledged scenes. I watched mothers bundling their children in sweaters and jackets at the playground and wrote about those characters, their secrets, their wishes, their dreams. I noticed a tree covered with vibrantly red leaves and began thinking about beauty and death, and how they can often be intertwined.

And from all of those ideas, I came up with a new premise for a book, when I wasn’t even thinking about writing a book at all. I’m excited about it, and I’m working on it, and I hope it turns out to be what I think it can be. It’s so funny how things really get started when you just make the conscious decision to let go, isn’t it?

Post-graduation life has been on my mind as of late, so I decided to ask some of my friends about what their plans were. Of course, this is a topic we’ve all talked about before, but the conversations are not what I’d classify as “in depth”:

Me, beer in hand: “Hey, what are you going to do after college?”
Friend, beer in each hand: “I don’t know, get a job?”
Me: “Cool.”

When I went into further detail, though, what I found out surprised me. Of all the friends I asked, only two were planning on moving away after they graduated. One of them’s from Senegal, so he’s planning to go back just because his visa will be up and he wants to be with his family. The other has always had dreams of working in the federal government, so she’s planning on going to DC and getting into politics.

I figured that the people from around here were likely to stay, but even the people who came from places like New York and Los Angeles were all planning on staying. When I asked them why, they said that there was just something about Pittsburgh that made them love it. Words like “personality” and “character” kept coming up, but the biggest thing was that they all felt that Pittsburgh was a place that held a bright future for them.

My friend Sophie summed it up best when she said, “Where else in the country can a young person buy an affordable house, get a great job, feel like part of a community, and actually picture herself having a family?”

Amen.

Yet again, it’s that joyous time of the semester where I need to start planning what the hell I’ll be doing in the spring.  Unlike like last year, though, I’m actually excited about it.  There’s a couple of internships I’m going to apply for that I heard about at the Office of Entrepreneurial Development (OED), and I’m also pondering asking Dr. Lemley if I can do a directed research project with him.  That way I can knock off my last upper-level class requirement, and Dr. Lemley is also awesome as hell.

It occurs to me now that I never wrote about my trip over to the OED.  The office itself was really nice–it reminded me a lot of the Study Abroad office.  There were books with information, several “Who’s Who” type of directories, and ample sitting areas.  I was a little nervous, so I whipped out my computer and sat on one of the couches before going and talking to the staff.  I noticed a good number of people coming in and out of the office–around 5 in the 10 minutes or so that I was stalling…I mean waiting.  It seemed like a lot of the people were students like me (i.e., liberal arts majors), and they were just checking in with the people who work there (who I overheard being referred to as counselors).

After I rehearsed what I was going to say, I gathered my courage, went up to the front desk, and totally blanked.  I think my exact words were, “Hey, ummmm, my name is Frank, and ummmmmmmm, I was just wonderin’ if, uhhhh, you know…I could…”

The person at the desk just smiled as I was doing my Mario Lemieux impression, and then interrupted and said, “So, this is your first visit here?”  I guess they get that all the time. We talked for a while about my majors, my interests, etc., and then I made an appointment to speak with Ms. Devali, one of the counselors there.

I went to the appointment the next day, and I was a little less nervous, but still unsure of what to say.  The truth is that I really don’t know what I want to do with my life after I graduate, and I don’t feel so great about that.  Most of my friends knew what they wanted to do for a long time, sometimes it seems like they knew since they were born.  I’ve had a lot of ideas, ranging from environmental engineer (whatever that means) to high school history teacher, but nothing ever seemed to stick.  All I really know is that I want to do something I care about, and I want to do it well.  Anyway, that’s what I told Ms. Devali.

She listened as I rambled on about that, and after I was done, she said, “Sounds good, let’s look at some options.” I was expecting her to send me away to think about it some more, so I was pleasantly surprised.  We looked at some different companies and organizations that were offering internships, and a lot of them looked interesting.  There was a really cool community development organization in Homewood, there was a marketing and design firm on the South Side, there were several online magazines…I was amazed by how much there was.  Ms. Devali also said the the OED does not advertise internships that solely involve making copies and doing busy-work, which is something I was afraid of.

The companies that really caught my eye, though, were the ones in the renewable energy field, which ranged from biofuel manufacturers to innovative recycling firms.  One, however, really stuck out: Community Renewables and Recycling (CRR).  This company combined three elements that really interested me–cutting-edge green technology, low-tech implementation, and community outreach.  Building off of Mayor Conway’s original idea to implement renewable energy solutions residentially, their approach is to work with local community groups and grass-roots organizations to develop neighborhood-wide green implementation plans.  They also get down to the actual installation level, which interests me a lot because I love getting my hands dirty!

I applied there as well as some other places as backups, but I’m really banking on CRR, which I should hear from in about a week or so.  After I left Ms. Devali’s office, I realized that going to the OED was one of the biggest single things I’ve done so far to address what I’ll be doing with my life post-graduation.  I’m really glad they were there and so helpful, even for someone as clueless as I am!

My mom and stepdad visited this weekend. After I graduated from high school in New Wilmington, they told me that they were planning on moving to Florida to join the rest of my family which has migrated down there, and by the time I finished college they had bought a house down the block from my grandparents. But they come back to good old PA every once in awhile to visit, and it doesn’t hurt that I have a free place to stay when I want to be a beach bum.

Every time they visit, they can’t believe all the things that have changed in Pittsburgh. When my mom graduated from college, back in 2000, young people were leaving the city in droves. They couldn’t find good jobs to keep them here, so they left for bigger cities like DC and New York. But this weekend my mom asked me where all my friends were moving to, and I could only think of one person - a friend of mine from college who’s moving to New York to go to grad school. Everyone else has stayed here. Sure, a few of them are continuing their educations, like my best friend Andi, who’s in law school at Pitt, but most of them have found good, stable jobs and are saving up to buy a house.

I think the work of organizations like Students for a Sustainable Pittsburgh and the progressive politics that have been on the upswing the past few years are mostly to thank for these changes. I’m glad that I don’t have to leave the region I grew up in to find a job that’s meaningful and pays reasonably well. I hope to never have to leave this place - although if I ever decide that hurricanes, bugs the size of small animals, and gaudy tourist attractions galore are for me, my mom has assured me I’m always welcome in Florida.

At 7 AM, I press the snooze button and crush a pillow onto my head. I am not ready for the day to begin. Today will be long and exhausting and yikes I don’t even want to think about it.

At 7:30 I grudgingly get up and shower, eat some scambled eggs for breakfast, down a glass of cranberry juice and walk a few blocks to the Wood Street station to catch the Yellow Line. I read an article about the mayor meeting with the current co-presidents of Students for a Sustainable Pittsburgh. I get off the train at Forbes & Murray.

At 9 AM I walk in the front doors of the small but welcoming office of the Pittsburgh Women’s Foundation and do paperwork until 3. It’s electronic paperwork (which never fails to crack me up), but boring and tedious as always. Why did I major in English again? Why not computer science so I could work for one of the dozens of software development or Internet behemoths in the city? Why not business so I could work for one of the companies here who are big into telecommuting and encouraging success among women and minorities and community development?

3 o’clock rolls around and the five students in my afterschool program arrive. Shante shows me the latest story she wrote for her fifth grade English class – it has a big “A+” on the top and she thanks me for helping her get her ideas out on paper so she could write the story she really wanted to write. Madison pulls her notebook out of her book bag and tells me, brown eyes wider than plates, that today at recess she thought of a great play she could write and perform with her schoolmates. I work with Maria for half an hour on a new poem she’s writing for her mother’s birthday and when I walk away she’s still scribbling down notes and ideas. I am reminded for the millionth time of why I decided to major in English.

I walk back to the Forbes and Murray stop, swept along by the crowd of workers eager to get home and spend time with the people they love. I notice the mural on the wall celebrating the history and future of Squirrel Hill, all bright colors and smiling faces. I listen to the melodies wafting through the air from the violinist on the next level down. I squeeze into a train car and actually read the advertisements for once – a neighborhood festival in Homewood, a new restaurant in Uptown, a new citywide field hockey league is forming. I get off the train at Wood Street again and ride the elevator up to our cozy apartment where I’m greeted by the cats. Frank’s already making dinner and it smells delicious. I can’t wait to dig in.

So, Frank convinced me that I was missing out on the elation that comes from pouring your soul out on the Internet for all the world to read and I agreed to write on here and see what all the fuss is. I’m not usually this much of an exhibitionist, so we’ll see how this plays out.

I’m Gretchen. I’m a writer. Currently I’m working on my first novel (more on that later). Appropriately, I double majored in creative writing and women’s studies at Carlow. I work at a feminist organization in Squirrel Hill, the Pittsburgh Women’s Foundation, which does many things such as awarding grants to women interested in starting their own non-profits and forming local sports teams for middle school and high school girls who don’t have access to the sports they want to play in their schools. My job there is to work with elementary school girls who love to write – write stories, poems, plays, songs, whatever – and help them develop their skills. It’s pretty much the greatest job on earth.

I am originally from New Wilmington, PA, and I love western PA and Pittsburgh. Love love love them. I’m so happy Pittsburgh has grown into the city it’s become. My family is migrating to Florida (my parents just moved down there last year), which I hate, but oh well. As for a significant other? That would be Frank. We live together in a cute little apartment downtown and spoil our two cats to death.

I think that’s about all you need to know about me right now. I hope you enjoy reading this blog as much as Frank and I have enjoyed creating it!

Well, I guess this is it. The blog has begun.

So, some new stuff about me…I just got a job bartending at the Castle (which looks awesome since they remodeled it, btw). I won’t really start until later on this month, but I’m pretty sure it’ll work out. My mom was telling me that back when it was called King’s Court they used to have showings of the Rocky Horror Picture Show and people would dress up in costume and basically go nuts. I think I’ll try to bug the boss about doing something like that again this year when Halloween rolls around.

I’m also, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, actually looking forward to classes starting this Fall. I’m especially looking forward to the History of Pittsburgh class I signed up for at the last minute, and not only because I heard it was easy.

Anyway, check out the About Us page for more info on Gretchen and I and the About the Blurgh page for more info on the point of this blog. And wish me luck with keeping this thing going!